Friday, October 23, 2009

Brrrrr!



Really?  First time inside a building?  Well, welcome.  Try not to be frightened by the electric lights.  They are not deities demanding worship and blood sacrifice, nor are they miniature suns screaming toward the earth.  They are here simply to keep the darkness away.  Those flattish wooden things arranged about the room are called tables.  We place food and beverages atop them.  And those flattish shorter things around the tables are known as chairs.  You'll be sitting in one of them, that is if you can withstand the arctic gales from the air conditioning.  Perhaps next time you'll remember to bring your saber-toothed tiger pelt for warmth.

Yes, we are aware that it is 110 degrees outside, so the shock you are displaying upon entering the building is not at all empty, THAT IS IF YOU HAVE NEVER IN YOUR LIFE BEEN INSIDE A RESTAURANT, MOVIE THEATER, OR STORE OF ANY KIND.

A new invention known as air conditioning has made it so that when it is 110 degrees outside, it need not be 110 degrees inside.  Perhaps when this modern convenience is around for another fifty years, mankind, especially those susceptible to catching a chill, will gain enough sense to bring a sweater along while dining or seeing a movie in the dead of summer.  Some might even find the temporary respite from the heat to be refreshing.

Do you see those red fabric doodads sitting on the tables?  Those are cloth napkins.  They have been carefully folded into a shape known as a bishop's miter.  Cloth napkins are one indication of an upscale restaurant.  Perhaps one of the reasons you are cold is that you arrived wearing a tank top, cut-off shorts, and flip-flops.  Perhaps if you could up your game enough to meet the minimal requirements for proper dress in a restaurant with cloth napkins you would not be so cold.

The waiter and chefs did hear you utter your nonsense syllable.   Brrrrr!  They are fully aware that you want the air conditioning to be turned down.  Feigning ignorance of subtext, they will pretend to not get the message.  They are waiting for you to come out and ask outright and they are hoping you will not have the audacity to do so.  These men and women are working, and it is uncomfortable to work in hot conditions.  There is raw fish on every table in the room and you want it warmer.   Why should the workers and the other diners with the good sense to dress appropriately sweat and suffer for your stupidity?  Perhaps you like your food only when it has been doused in the perspiration of overheated workers.

Bring a sweater.  This is not the dining master class.  This is 101.  As in P.S. 101.  I can't believe I even have to bring this up.  The utter resistance to learning you display time and time again display does not bode well for the human race.

Don't expect any sympathy from me.  Between you and me, the air conditioner humming away inside me feels better than a magic fingers bed.  And it keeps me nice and cool.

2 comments:

  1. Maybe she could drape the cloth napkin over her shoulders?

    Very funny post...

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  2. Congratulations! You have solved the Bring Warmth to the Cold Customer puzzle. Your prize will be sent via email.

    ReplyDelete